Return to Table of Contents/Writer’s Den
Chapter Thirty
Aurelian
I was trapped by the truth, a victim this time of my
own success. A voice inside me,
perhaps the Spirit of the Lord, told me I must go home, and yet my ambition,
guided by Satan, wanted me to stay.
After passing between two young tribunes with snarls on their boyish
faces, I found myself in the chamber of Plautus Junius Aurelianus, the Prefect
of the Antioch Cohort.
Inexplicably, the prefect, himself, was momentarily absent from the
room. In an antechamber, the
prefect was distracted in his conversation with another officer, who bore the rank
of primus pilus—first centurion, as Longinus did in Galilee.
Marcellus took this opportunity to whisper into my
ear, “Do you want me to tell them what I just heard?”
“No.” I answered promptly. “.... I’m very tired.”
“Good,”
he murmured, as the two tribunes craned their ears, “Caesar had men to cover
for him. You, who would be a
scribe, have only yourself on the march.
Such a lapse might even prove to be your death.”
Moving
quickly into his chambers with the primus pilus at his side, Aurelian stood
appraising me, while the larger, darker man, stood stiffly aside a confused
look playing on his face.
“Before
we begin,” he handed me a detailed map, “I want you to memorize these
locations. I heard rumors about
you, Thaddeus, but I must see this for myself.”
“Very
well,” I took the scroll casually, “this is easy compared to a document. I will duplicate it on another scroll
if you please.”
After
a brief period, I handed the map back to him. I took the quill and inkwell offered by a servant, drew a close
facsimile of the map on a blank sheet, then handed it pertly to the prefect.
“There,”
I said with a crooked smile, “a squiggle here and squiggle there. Nothing to it sir!”
The
two men studied my effort, comparing it to the original map, then, in apparent
denial, the prefect threw the map down and handed me a scroll from a shelf
nearby. It was a copy of Caesar’s
battle campaigns in Gaul.
“Latin,
my second favorite language,” I replied glibly, “how many pages do you wish me
to memorize.”
“This
is amazing sir,” the centurion muttered under his breath, “not only did he
include the rivers, landmarks, and roads, but he included all of your notes in
the margin and spelled everything perfectly, foreign names even I stumble
over.”
“All
Gaul is divided into three parts,” I began quoting Caesar, after setting down
the scroll. “One of first part
belongs to the Belgae, the second part includes the Aquitani, and the third are
called the Gauls—”
“All right,” Aurelian snapped his finger
impatiently, “that’s quite enough.
I never liked that boring work, but it’s required reading.” “All right,” he sighed in resignation,
“you do in fact have a perfect memory.” “I’ve heard rumors about you,
Thaddeus,” he said drumming his fingers on his desk. “Commodus, my first centurion,
has told me what is circulating in the ranks now. One of them, a big Thracian auxilia, referred to you as the
Reaper—a strange name for a slight fellow like you. While assigning a work detail for the roads, Commodus also
met with one of the survivors of that dreadful ordeal in the desert, a fellow
named Aulus, who seemed reluctant to corroborate the gossip given by the
auxilia that were there. He could
have been retired by now and on his plot of land, but he stayed on to make sure
you were safe. It’s his opinion
that you should return to your family.
Marcellus is of the same frame of mind, which seems peculiar after the
praise they both gave me about you.
Your memory is a very valuable commodity in the army, Thaddeus. I’m very impressed with what I’ve
heard, especially from the lips of my first soldier, but I’m concerned about
your falling sickness. Many people
consider this to be a divine illness, but it can be a liability. Another rumor I heard from Commodus is
that, after less than an hours training, you killed six men. That other stuff I heard from my
men—you’re ability to comport yourself in battles, survival in the desert, and,
from Marcellus, your exploits with that rich merchant are impressive. No one can deny your qualifications as
a soldier. I am however, more
impressed with your mind. The
mind, after all, is our most important weapon.” “The question is, lad,” his voice lowered, “is this what you
really want? I see doubt on your
face. I might even call it
wisdom.”
I
did the only thing I could do without throwing my dream away altogether; I
equivocated.
“I
want to follow my ambition sir. I
think I could be a great asset to the legions. But a greater voice calls me—I think it’s God—”
“Oh
yes,” interrupted Aurelian, “I heard about that. You’re talking about the Jewish god, aren’t you—the one you
associated with the unknown god.” “Only the Greeks would think of that.” He uttered a sour laugh. “Please
continue,” he directed, snapping his fingers.
Momentarily
shaken by his disclosure, yet pleased with the chance to prove myself, I tried
gathering my wits as he watched me squirm.
“It’s
not just my god,” I replied carefully, “I understand that Rome recognizes all
gods, but if I forsake my family in their hour of need, what kind of soldier
would I be? Perhaps, if I hadn’t
had my dream, I wouldn’t hesitate.
As it is, I go to a greater calling.”
“Humph,”
he said with a frown, “for your god or your or family? What greater calling is there than
serving Rome?”
I
felt trapped by his question. I
didn’t want to appear indecisive.
If I answered “Rome,” I was contradicting what I just said. On the other hand, if I insisted on the
importance of my god and family, I would be sent away. My better half wanted to go home, and
yet I was tempted to stay.
Dropping my eyes to the floor, a suspicious action that Jesus had warned
me against when answering a question, I was torn between the two
alternatives. Aurelian gave me a
thoughtful look when I looked up, motioning with the flurry of his hands for
everyone else to leave the room.
That moment after Marcellus, the First Centurion, and two tribunes
exited his chambers, we were alone.
The question I left unanswered, hung thickly in the air.
“I
hadn’t heard about your dream,” Aurelian pursed his lips. “Tell me about it.”
“Oh
dear,” I groaned, “...the dream.”
“Yes,”
he barked, “don’t be wavering, lad—out with it!”
I
related, as briefly as possible, my vision about Jesus working in the shop
alone then gave my interpretation of the dream. The meaning was simple: I must go home and assume my duties
in the family business.
“Did
Jesus ask you to come home?” he asked, motioning for me to sit down.
I
could scarcely believe what was happening. Descending into a cushioned chair very similar to the ones
in Samuel the Pharisee’s house, I felt deeply honored that he was talking to me
casually, man-to-man. I
understood, from my own experiences, that this informality by such an important
host displayed the greatest respect.
Furthermore, I realized, as a servant brought us both mugs of wine, that
Aurelian was actually talking to me as an equal.
“Jesus
would never ask me to return,” I answered finally. “It was he who sent my on my
mission in the first place.”
“Mission? What sort of mission?” inquired the
prefect, taking a swig of wine. “I thought you wanted to be a soldier scribe.”
“Oh
yes,” I gave way to enthusiasm, “I dearly wanted that. Ibrim called me that name. Jesus tried to make the best of my goal
for my parents’ sake, by giving me a special task…”
Aurelian
cocked an eyebrow. The words
caught in my throat. I took a gulp
of wine, as he waited for me to explain.
The wine took hold of me and made me bolder.
“All
right, here goes,” I took another sip.”
“Jesus wanted me to learn the heart of the Gentile,” the words flew
carelessly out of my mouth. “I think he was disappointed that I wanted to join
the legions,” “and yet,” I struggled with a burst of revelation, “it was part
of a plan, my destiny...perhaps his own.”
“That
doesn’t make sense, Thaddeus.” His eyebrows knit together. “What sort of
destiny do you think you have? And
your brother, what does he mean by “plan?” Clarify this please.”
“It’s
difficult to explain,” I responded, draining my mug, “I have learned much about
the Gentile mind. In many ways I
don’t think they’re different than Jews, yet this must be what Jesus meant when
he instructed me to learn their heart.
He never explained to me how it would fit into a plan or what exactly my
destiny would be.... He speaks strangely at times, so I gave it no more
thought, until now.”
“Strange,
very strange indeed. Tell me about
this Jesus,” he said in an offhand manner. “Aulus told me that you have great
respect for your brother. Why is
he so different from other men?”
“....
How do I begin?” I searched for words.
This
question had haunted me all my life, and now, here, in the Prefect of the
Antioch Cohort’s chamber, I was tempted to tell him everything that I had held
back from my Roman and auxilia friends.
“You
hesitate, Thaddeus,” he said, motioning for the servant to pour me more wine,
“... I won’t be angry with you for telling the truth. I can always tell when someone is lying—by his gaze and the
way he fidgets with hands. Why are
you afraid to tell me about your brother?
What are you holding back?”
His
gaze locked upon me. Without
hesitation now, I gave the prefect a summary of the Jesus I knew as a child and
as a youth. From the moment when
my oldest brother released the sparrow from his hands after bringing it back to
life, through the dark hours when his prayers caused the skies to open in
Nazareth in order to quench the fire set to Mariah’s house, through the letters
about his journey with Joseph of Arimathea that recorded wondrous events, until
those quiet years when he settled down as a carpenter and occasionally said
strange and incredible things, I painted a picture with my tongue of a child,
youth, and young man, that, if I had not been in denial and understood the
prophecies better, would lead to no other conclusion. To the prefect, a practical minded and irreligious Roman, of
course, my words caused immediate mirth.
“Ho,
ho, you rascal,” he laughed, raising his mug, “you dare tell a Roman prefect
such a tale. If Cornelius had
heard that story, he would never have let you go. He would’ve called you mad.” “Are you mad, Thaddeus?”
His expression suddenly darkened. “Is this your way of squirming out of a
job—make the prefect think your mad?”
“No,
no,” I sputtered, “I-I wouldn’t make that up. You asked me to tell you the truth, and I told you the
truth. Even Cornelius knows Jesus
is special. Ask anyone in Nazareth
whether or not Jesus made it rain.
Most of them who heard him speak, think he’s touched by God.”
“There’s
that word again,” Aurelian waved irritably, “God. There are many gods, Thaddeus. I don’t believe in any of them. Are you trying to tell me that your brother is divine?”
I
wanted to say “Yes” that moment, but that would be going too far for the
prefect, so I shook my head, and began fidgeting again with my hands.
“Ah
hah, caught you again!” He pointed accusingly, a smile belying his words. “Look
me in the eyes, lad. What you
meant to say was Yes—am I correct?
Jesus must be a demigod at least after performing the miracles he did.”
“Of course,” he added dismissively, “I don’t believe a word of it, but it’s
quite a tale!”
I
could tell that the prefect was slightly tipsy, and so was I. Laughing hysterically, I nodded
obliquely. “I’m sorry you don’t believe me sir, but it’s true; Jesus isn’t like
other men.”
“Well,”
he stood up abruptly, “I’m certain that’s true, but we’ve gone off the subject,
Thaddeus. The question is simple:
do you still have the same goal from that first day you set out with Decimus
and his men?”
“Well,
yes.” I said, rising shakily, “but it’s not that simple sir. I explained my dilemma to you. I will regret it till my dying day, and
yet I must go home.”
“Very
well,” he said, gripping his fingers behind his back and pacing the floor, “I
respect your wisdom. I wish I could’ve
had a son like you. But you’re a
peculiar young man.”
“You’re
very kind,” I muttered faintly.
Trying not to fidget anymore and look at the floor,
I felt overwhelmed by the implications of everything the Aurelian had just
said. Stopping at one point to
drain his mug, he walked around the desk and placed an arm on my shoulder.
“First
let me say that, even if I had not heard about your exploits or that fantastic
story, I think it’s extraordinary that a Jew would want to serve in the
legion. It’s frankly unheard of in
the army. I know that you weren’t
lying about Jesus either. You
believe in his divinity. That’s
troubling, but it’s another matter.
The question is, after hearing all this from men I trust and admire, do
I let someone like you walk out of my life?”
“Uh,
I dunno sir,” I blushed as he stood there, looking into my eyes. “I feel
torn...I wish Jesus was here right now to tell me what to do.”
“I’d
like to talk to this fellow,” he said with a grin, “but you mustn’t depend on
someone else’s blessing. You have
to make your own decisions, Thaddeus, based upon what’s right for you.” “The
fact is,” he added, dropping his arm and moving back behind his desk, “you’re
too young to be a soldier scribe.
Thaddeus Judaicus, the Reaper—how preposterous! Come back when you’ve finished helping
your family’s business—in, let’s say a year or so when your conscience is not
prickled my indecision and your mind’s clear.” “Remember what I told you,
Thaddeus,” he added thoughtfully, as he rang the bell on his desk, “you’re the
master of your destiny, no one else.
I’m a career soldier in Caesar’s army. If not in the East, I shall serve in the west. I can wait!”
Rummaging
around his desk, he found a small scroll that had already been prepared but was
unsigned. “Here,” he murmured as
he stamped his insignia on the document as his aides entered the room, “I wrote
this down after considering Aulus’ words. All I needed was an interview with you to make up my
mind. When you’re ready, go to the
Galilean Fort and present this to the prefect.”
“I
don’t know what to say,” I said huskily, tears gathering in my eye. “I can go
home and help my brother, but I can still come back?”
“That’s
what I said,” he replied, reaching out to grip my forearm. “Don’t lose that
scroll. You have a future on my
staff if you choose.”
“Thank
you sir,” I bowed, giddy with excitement.
“And
Thaddeus,” he said snapping fingers, “Aulus explained your change of name,
which he and Decimus felt would help you to fit into the army. Suspecting what I had in mind, he
decided to come clean. Perhaps he
thought it might eliminate you from service so you might safely go home, but I
think he trusted me to make up my mind.
I’m not like some of my peers, Thaddeus. I judge a man by his worth, not his race. You can use that other name if you
wish, but I wrote your real name on the scroll. Be proud of whom you are. Your parents are lucky to have such a son!”
The
two tribunes, who had never been properly introduced to me, now stood at attention
in the chamber. I would learn one
day that they were aristocratic youth sent by patrician parents in order to
perform their military service before settling down in Roman society. Aurelian, like many officers, who
worked their way up through the ranks, had contempt for such dandies, and yet
he had treated me almost as an equal.
Arriving that moment after a short delay, as I stood beaming foolishly
in front of his desk, was Quintus Marcellus, who saluted the prefect smartly as
had the tribunes. I backed up, in
imitation of what I saw the tribunes do before, and, slamming my fist to my
chest in the military manner, pivoted and followed my friend out the door. When were out of earshot of the
prefect’s office, and among my Roman and auxilia friends awaiting the results
of my interview with Aurelian, Marcellus began asking me questions.
“How
in Zeus did you pull that off, Thaddeus?
Did I hear him correctly?
Did he offer you a future position on his staff?”
Before
I could answer, Fronto lumbered up, a grin spreading across his bearded face,
shouting, “Good news, Thaddeus, the first centurion gave us our orders: we’re
going back to Galilee. We’re all
going home!”
“That’s
good to hear!” I exclaimed. “Now look what the prefect gave me!”
Aulus,
Rufus, and Ibrim beamed happily as I exhibited the scroll.
“May
I see that?” Marcellus reached out.
“Yes,
Thaddeus,” Fronto said excitedly, “let’s have a look.”
It
seemed unusual that the optios of the fort were absent now. By now, several hundred men were gathered
around us in an undisciplined crowd.
Carefully untying the ribbon, Marcellus unrolled the small scroll and
read it aloud for all to hear.
Plautus
Junius Aurelianus, Prefect of the Antioch Cohort
To his friend Julius Arrius Cornelius, Prefect of the Galilean Cohort:
Greetings
and salutations:
I
have met Judah bar Joseph, whom his friends call Thaddeus Judaicus, the Reaper,
and I’m greatly impressed. Much
had happened to him after you sent him north to join the Antioch Cohort. He has proven himself in encounters
with renegade auxilia and bandits.
Eyewitnesses have recorded his prowess with the sword and javelin and
testify to his bravery in battle, but it is his mind that I value the
most. Men, whom I trust, claim he
has the gift of learning languages and is quick of wit. I personally saw him recreate a complex
map that I let him read after glancing over it briefly then tossing it
aside. So that he may have swift
passage to the Antioch Cohort, I enclose on this scroll my personal seal, for
the adventurer known to his associates as Thaddeus Judaicus, the Reaper, whom
you know as Judah bar Joseph, brother of Jesus, the Carpenter of Nazareth, when
he is ready for his service to Rome.
******
Considering
the rumors they generated, Fronto, Rufus, and Ibrim thought I might be sworn in
immediately upon arriving at the fort, but my auxilia and Roman friends were
glad that my plans had been delayed.
I wasn’t ready. My first
responsibility was helping Jesus in the carpenter shop. Marcellus, Octavius, Sergius, and
Nabalus had seen me succumb to the falling sickness and had worried about my
fitness to serve, whereas Aulus had thought, from the beginning, that I should
return home. The old soldier, even
before my first attack, had made this decision. And yet all eight men seemed pleased and congratulated me on
receiving the scroll. Though
proud of their praise, I doubted that I would be using it soon.
That night I stayed in the visitor’s barracks with
my Roman escorts, and Aulus and my auxilia friends returned one last time to
their quarters in the fort. It was
necessary to rest our mounts and make preparations for the journey south. A requisition document given to us by
the first centurion would provide us with supplies for the next morning. In spite of the Roman military custom
of changing mounts at every station, I would be allowed to keep my five mules,
four of which would carry light loads of supplies and our military issue tent.
After a hearty stew, which tasted suspiciously like
pork, and freshly baked bread, we finished our wine and turned in for the
evening. I would much rather have
spent the evening with my old friends.
Octavius, Sergius, and Nabalus were cordial to me, but only Marcellus
engaged me in further conversation as the four of us lie on our pallets.
“Had I not known better, Thaddeus,” he remarked with
a yawn, “I might think you were a demigod. Hercules started out like you. He was, according to the Greeks, once a mortal, who did
miraculous deeds. I heard that
from one of the tribunes in Fabius’ staff. Of course, it’s all nonsense. There are no gods, only lying priests. That said, I don’t think even Hercules
performed some of your feats.”
“Which ones?” I asked, sensing mockery in his voice.
“All of them,” he answered with a yawn. “What I
heard is incredible. You really
impressed Aurelian. You better
hope Fabius doesn’t get wind of this.
He’ll have you conscripted like those Greeks.”
“Oh,
he can’t do that!” I tried making light of it.
“Yes,
he could, Thaddeus,” Marcellus said with conviction. “As a famous general, he
can do pretty much what he wants.”
“I
suppose you’re right.” I sighed uneasily. “He seems like a nice fellow, but the
conscription in Cilicia made it that much harder on the Jews.”
“It
was necessary.” Marcellus seemed to shrug in the dark. “Pure blooded Roman
citizens refrain from serving, sometimes paying men to serve in their
places. Even the plebian classes
of Italia would rather flee into the country to avoid the levy, which leaves
legates such as Fabius to rely on conscription of provincials, even non
citizens for the auxilia. Many
hungry and unemployed men welcome this opportunity, but not Greek and Syrians,
who’re citizens of the empire.”
I
was growing sleepy. Marcellus’ deep,
resonant voice grew faint, as I dozed off a moment, until I was jerked awake.
“If
I were you, Thaddeus,” I heard him say, “I wouldn’t be in the fort when Fabius
arrives. If he gets wind of your
feats, he might want to talk to you before you depart. In the presence of Aurelian and his
attendants, who seem convinced of your feats, it could prove to be
awkward. You might wind up as
another conscript.”
“Huh,
when will he be arriving?” I bolted up into a sitting position.
“Shush,
you’ll wake the others!” He laughed softly. “I have a hunch Fabius will make
camp on the outskirts of town.
That’s generally the custom with marching legions. There’s no room here. We don’t want to upset the locals,
especially the citizens. At first
light, get up without delay and fetch your friends.”
“What?”
I began to panic. “I didn’t see what direction they went in the camp. I don’t even know where they’re at.”
“Calm
down.” He reached out to pat my arm. “Ask one of the guards on watch. Wake me before you leave. I’d like to see you off. I also want to be awake in case Fabius
pays Aurelian a visit.”
That
an eminent general such as Fabius might take an interest in me should be
flattering, but the very idea I might lose my freedom like those poor Greeks
filled me with dread. Fabius,
after all, was marching off to battle fierce Parthian warriors. I had enough of that!
No
sooner did I lie back down on my pallet than Marcellus had fallen asleep. I mumbled a prayer then, rolled over on
my side, and gradually, in spite of Marcellus’ warning, and the chorus of
snores I suffered in our quarters, drifted into a dark, troubling sleep. In my dream this time, as I approached
my home in Nazareth, I heard the sound of women wailing. The shop was empty. None of my family members were about,
and yet I saw townsmen filing from the street in front of our house and up to
the door. There was old Samuel,
being assisted by his steward, Aaron the rabbi, Ezra, Naomi and their
daughters, and several other neighbors and friends. The sky overhead was dark, and I felt cold. When I began moving toward the house, I
moved like a phantom, which was true for many of my dreams. I zoomed up past those at the front of
the line, unseen and unheard, and I called out, “Please, tell me. Is this a vision of what is or what
will be?” When I entered the house
and saw my mother enter my parents’ room, I was fearful and, passing my tearful
brothers and sisters, approached the source of their grief slowly with
trepidation. I rephrased the
question: “Is this prophecy? Can
it be undone?” I must have cried
out in my sleep. Suddenly, I was
awake and Marcellus was shaking my shoulders, cursing me for startling him out
of his wits. The other men had
jumped up too, and stood glaring at me in the lamplight, muttering in
disbelief.
“Thaddeus,”
he cried, “you’re lucky my sword wasn’t handy. That was the most awful caterwauling sound!
“Is he daffed?” growled Octavius.
“I had a nightmare...another vision.” I explained,
still grappling with the dream.
“A vision is it?” Nabalus grumbled. “Were you being
chased by monsters, lad. You
scared us half to death.”
“I was back at my home...I think my father was sick,
then I woke up—”
“Enough already!” Octavius held up his hand. “We all
have nightmares. I dreamed I was
being crucified once. What’s worse
than that?”
Sergius trotted across the floor and opened the
door. “I wonder if a sentry heard you,” he muttered, looking out. “Fortunately,
we’re the only ones in these quarters.
Some of these fellows get pretty nasty.”
Marcellus sat
back down on his pallet, running a hand through his hair. “Let’s get some sleep
men,” he uttered, casting me a weary smile. “No more visions, Thaddeus. You’re going to be up bright and
early.”
“I’m really sorry, Marcellus,” I said pleadingly.
“Please believe me. I’ve had this
vision before. It’s the reason I
have to go home.”
“Yes, that’s what I gathered,” he replied
thoughtfully. “Considering your malady, it’s just as well. If your family’s carpentry business
does well enough, you might be freed up for service to Rome. But some things won’t change,
Thaddeus. You’ll still have the
falling sickness if you report for duty.
I’ve seen this sickness firsthand.
It’s unpredictable, there’s no warning, and you never know when it’ll
occur. On the march or during a
battle, it could prove disastrous.
It might even cost you your life!”
“That might never happen, Marcellus,” I confessed,
staring into space. “...I have this feeling that Jesus has other plans for
me. Once I return, I might never see
the legions again.”
“Oh you’ll see the legions again,” he reassured me,
“Rome’s here to stay. The question
is, Thaddeus, where will Aurelian be.
That man’s ambitious. He’s
a sly one. I’ve seen his kind
before.”
“I’m certain,” I said, with forced sincerity, “he’ll
forget all about his silly promise.
Nazareth’s a long way from Antioch and the imperial fort. ”
“Humph, let’s
hope so.” Marcellus slumped wearily onto his pallet. “Now let’s get some
sleep.”
“Yes,
Thaddeus,” grumbled Octavius, “clear your head of that rubbish. Think of something pleasant before
drifting off: a pretty wench, a meadow with deer scampering about or a table
set with fine food. No more
outbursts!”
Even after Marcellus’ sound logic, I would treasure my scroll. It was, if nothing else, a token of honor, given to me by an imperial prefect. I tossed and turned awhile on my pallet, filled with foolish, stubborn pride. Though I was embarrassed by my outburst, I was much more troubled by its cause. In spite of the premonitions in my dream, I was haunted equally by my journey, still in progress. Who knows what might happen on the road home? For me to fall asleep, Jesus had suggested something different than Octavius’ recommendations. Thinking of girls and fine food, as Octavius proposed, would not work for me. My brother suggested that I perceive, in my mind’s eye, a clear, cloudless sky. It had seemed like a silly idea. How in the blazes could anyone think of such a thing, I thought groggily. It was like concentrating upon nothing, and yet I tried, as I had before, blanking out my thoughts, which is essentially what Jesus meant. The effort gave me a headache this time, so I switched to another dreamscape Jesus finally gave his blessing to: my great white horse. Galloping toward me, without saddle or reins, he continued on his way, and in his place, trotting slowly in the distance, appeared my five mules, signaling my decision to return home. I grew increasingly dowry as I pondered my fate, until I was again fast asleep. Unlike before, however, my head was filled with nonsensical imagery—the sort of dream I needed most that night. Tomorrow was a big day.... I was finally going home!
Next Chapter/Return to Table of Contents/Writer’s Den